Template for Facebook status updates

What most people really are saying:

I am attractive. I am intelligent. I am sophisticated. I am successful in what I do. I have many friends. I have fun. I have a beautiful family. I have a big house. I am humble. I realize that what I do here is really just a form of public bragging and therefore make sure to veil it by inserting a petty mishap or pseudo-failure now and then.

Or, in my case:

I get bitter and annoyed by people’s self-promotion and make sarcastic blog posts about it.

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